MikeDingDong's End of Season Arsenal Awards

I haven't posted on the blog for a while since I've been revising, worrying about cocking up, finishing games on the Xbox, breathing and eating. I've been busy. I didn't forget this blog and during the time I've not been blogging, I have been thinking of something to do a post on. Funnily enough, it's end of the football season and I thought "Fuck it, I'm doing my own Arsenal awards" and here I am, on the bandwagon with the billion other podcasters and bloggers doing a end of season awards post. Here you go.

The Nick Clegg award for Biggest Fall From Grace

This is for a player who’s gone backwards this season. Arshavin wins this award for going backwards, failing to live up to his apparent World Class skill. He still has World Class at being a lazy meerkat of course, but his failure to pass the ball, shoot accurately has led to constant abuse from the Arsenal fans throughout the season. Did sort of redeem himself with that goal against Barcelona and his hard tackling cameo against Manchester United, but he’s been overall pants this season. Also mentions for Chamakh and Djourou for their recent dips in form.

Greatest Moment Of The Season That Arsenal Fans Will Cream Themselves Remembering Award

There’s one moment of the season that everyone will look back on and go “Ahhh, what a great time” and crack out the lube. It was of course, Arsenal 2 Barcelona 1. Going into the game, it was revenge. Messi managed to embarrass Arsenal at the Nou Camp just by farting skill and made our team cry. Barcelona employed all their unsettling tactics to tempt Fabregas to the Nou Camp and we had to do something about it. Went 1-0 down to a Villa goal after Clichy doing his usual “lol I’m a defender” technique to make Villa onside so he could score. At Half Time it looked grim. We were expected to crumble, Song was going to finally get another yellow card and get sent off and then concede a load of goals. That didn’t happen. Clichy sent a lobbed pass to Van Persie and he somehow scored on the volley despite the tight angle. Shit. We might do this, thought the Arsenal fans. Then the memorable counter attack led by Nasri, runs into the edge of the Barca penalty area to find Arshavin, who slots it in. Unbelievable. What a game, what a moment that was to be an Arsenal fan. We may have lost 3-1 at the Nou Camp in the second leg, but no one else beat Barcelona this season in the Champions League. Phwoar. Time to crack one out, here's the Arshavin goal:

Other moments worthy of a mention are going 3-0 up against Chelsea, beating Manure and Denilson announcing he was leaving.

The Silverste award for Most Naff Player of the Season

Almunia, Squillaci, Denilson have all been outstanding examples of how not to play football and cock up at the worst time. Denilson made 32 appearances with 0 goals or assists, probably due to not being able to pass forward or even be able to pass the ball, Squillaci managed to have such an underwhelming  season with constantly bad performances which made us want Silverste back but the winner has to be Almunia. When he’s about, you’re never going to leave empty handed, if you’re an opposition player. He may not have played many games, but he certainly left his mark with signature moves such as failing to cover your own post, coming out of goal to clear the ball when a player can clear it, or failing to close your legs, something he has in common with Imogen Thomas.  

Seems Almunia will have more time to walk his dog next season

The Andy Gray “TAKE A BOW. TAKE A BO-W” Award for Best Goal

We scored many oh la la goals this season, but Samir Nasri’s “football ballet” technique for his goals in the 2-1 win over Fulham both grab the award. A bit hard to separate the two goals because they’re both exceptionally great goals and show signs of the World Class form of the French lesbian. Other contenders is Van Persie’s near impossible volley against Barcelona, Arshavin’s finish against Barcelona, Van Persie’s sliding volley against Wigan and Bendtner’s turn and curling shot against Ipswich.

The Michael Cera Award for Most Awkward Moment of the Season

Arsenal this season have had their fair share of moments where they have just scraped a result such as the late goals against Huddersfield and Leeds but this award has to go to the moment when Manuel Almunia realised that Jens Lehmann was returning to Arsenal on a short term contract. Imagine the dressing room when Almunia and Lehmann were in there together? It must have been silent with Eboue on hand to break the silence with a light hearted joke.

Gaffe of the season That Made Arsenal Fans Get Abused For The Most By Schoolmates and Workmates Award

Only one real contender, that moment in the Carling Cup Final. That goal caused by Koscielny and Szczęsny being unable to decide who should have the ball. Christ. I was in a Xbox Live Party Chat and I got laughed at and jeered at. The next day at school, friends logged on and played that clip on the school computers. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. But at least they got relegated, becoming the first team to ever win the Carling Cup then get relegated. Heh heh. Other mentions go to the Newcastle comeback game, Eboue’s trip on Lucas to give Liverpool a last minute penalty and any Almunia cock up.

L'oreal Award for Best Hairstyle 

Has to be Alex Song. Song's blonde/grey hair is probably the reason why he's played so well this season and it certainly trumps Chamakh's messy mohawk/bird hairstyle.

Strut 1, 2, 3, 4 and pose.

Player That Was Moderately Better Than Last Season Award

While there has been players who seem to have gone backward rather than forward, there's been players who have improved well. I'll give this one to Łukasz Fabiański for his rise from ashes like a phoenix at the beginning of the season. When the Godfather of goalkeeping howlers got injured, fans rejoiced that Almunia wasn't going to be playing then quickly remembered that his calamity junior was going to be playing instead. Oh shit we all went. But ever since that penalty save and then World Class save against FK Partizan, he started to come out as a great Polish goalkeeper and we finally had someone that was confident enough to pull off save after save without any howlers. His season sadly ended with a shoulder injury and I feel bad for the lad after his fine performances during his stint. He'll likely be number two in the goalkeeping line up behind Szczęsny, but it'll be an interesting battle for the Number 1 spot next season. A player worthy of mention is Walcott as he's no longer that player who could run faster than anyone else and suddenly became better at crossing and finishing.

The Player Who Was Better Than All The Rest and Made Everyone Look Awful Award

Tough one this, a range of candidates for this award. I’m tempted to give this to Van Persie who has had his best goal scoring season at Arsenal, but he’s only really been around in the 2^nd half of the season and this award is for Player of the Season, not Player of the 2^nd half of the Season. He would win player of the 2^nd half of the season hands down purely because he was the player that constantly did well while everyone else were too busy booking for their summer holidays, but the winner of this award has to go to Jack Wilshere. I continually praise his no nonsense, passionate performances because he plays like he wants to play, unlike say, Denilson. He puts in 100% every game, extremely confident and had a memorable performance against Barcelona. He may not have the best shots on him (Wished he could still do this) or many goals or assists, but his effort is admirable, a great role model for younger footballers. Other contenders are Bacary LaSagna and Samir Nasri.

AV v FPTP

On Thursday ^5th May, voters will vote on the issue of using AV to elect our MPs into Parliament. If you’re completely unaware of the whole referendum (really?) or don’t have a clue what AV is, read on.

First off, Alternative Vote. Voters will get a single vote and instead of scribing a cross in the candidate of your choice, you number your candidates in preference. AV is a majority system which the winner must achieve 50% + 1 vote to win. If a candidate has the highest of the 1^st preference votes but doesn’t achieve a majority, 2^nd preferences are added on, then 3^rd preferences and so on until one candidate is the winner and he/she goes on to represent the constituency in Parliament. How do the pair compare? Let’s see.

Representation

First Past the Post isn’t a fair representational electoral system when used for an election with multiple candidates. This is because the winning candidate of a constituency could achieve 35% of the electorate’s votes and represent the constituency, but what about the remaining 65% of voters who didn’t vote for that candidate? Is this representational of a constituency where only a minority of the voters want the candidate to represent the area? AV does help resolve this problem by being a majority electoral system but a candidate can win on 2nd preferences.

Mandate

Links with representation here. A winning candidate can win with 37% of the electorate’s vote, but it isn’t so much a strong mandate when only a minority support the candidate. Only a third of elected MPs currently in Parliament won 50% of the votes, not so much a strong mandate there, eh? Since a winner under AV requires a majority of the votes to win, the MP has a greater mandate to go on and represent his/her constituency in Parliament. AV can flush out some of the “weaker” MPs. 

Easy to understand?

FPTP is easy to understand; winner is candidate with most votes. AV however can seem complicated, but really isn’t when it boils down to just ranking in preference your candidates. There are far more “confusing” electoral systems than AV. AMS and it’s D’Hondt system anyone?

Tactical voting 

A major flaw of FPTP is tactical voting where voters vote against a candidate and vote for the 2^nd likeliest winning candidate to attempt to block the candidate from winning the seat. Under AV, it can be partly resolved where you could for example wish for the Tory candidate to not get the seat, so you could vote the Labour candidate as your 1^st preference and the Conservative candidate last.

Equal votes

Under FPTP, if a voter doesn’t vote for the winning candidate, his/her vote is wasted. Under AV, the ability to rank in preference your candidates means that you do have an equal vote to other vote and even if you didn’t vote for Labour, Conservatives or Liberal Democrats, your 4^th or 5^th preferences still can have a say. 

Democratic?

First Past the Post favours a two party system between the Labour and Conservative parties and safe seats. Under AV, it's slightly more democratic, but note I said "slight". Under AV, Liberal Democrats would benefit from the system as they're the third biggest political party and seen as an alternative party to vote for, therefore a noted second preference. The claims made that AV would benefit BNP is wrong. It would be quite extreme for the party to win a seat on fifth and sixth preferences which the No to AV campaign is making out to be something that could very well happen. Plus the BNP are campaigning against AV, so why would it benefit a party that doesn't even want the system? 

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Personally, if I could vote, I would vote yes. Partly because I think it’s a better electoral system but then again, any other system is. I’m all for proportional representation since it’s right for modern UK Politics and First Past the Post is a system that’s failed to stand the test of time and serves no place in UK Politics since we have multiple political parties and it’s undemocratic to use a electoral system that favours a two party system.

If AV was to be used in UK General Elections, then it would be rather a stumble than a step forward. AV is a better system, but it’s not the desired system that we, the public want. That’s why we feel cheated. We finally get a referendum on electoral reform and we get a half arsed one since it’s a compromise. To think, if the Liberal Democrats hadn’t been so weak to the Conservatives and stood their ground, we would have a referendum on STV, what everyone really wants. This feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity to get rid of the ancient First Past the Post system and we’re being offered a weak alternative. Alternative vote.