Waterlulz Road S6 EP17 - New Danger in Youth Culture - DAYTIME RAVES.

This week, Ronan and Finn planned to have a party at a "departed" and "unused" warehouse in order to get some girls (mainly Ronan scoring Vicki) and have a general laugh with each other. For some reason, they decided to have it straight after school, rather not at night when most parties usually happen. A party in the daytime? Ha, you Waterloo Road kids are living the dream. Ronan and Finn smuggled all the supplies in a rather Chuckle Brothers style and the party was set. To make it better, they found some alcohol under some covers which anyone else would realise that this superposed unused warehouse is playing host to something else

With teeth that white, does he use the same teeth whitening product as Richard Hammond? 

So the party kicked off and was going well. I was honestly waiting for the warehouse to suddenly crumble and injure and kill a load of people like what happened a few years ago on Neighbours (yes, I did watch that, don't judge) but instead, a gang of men turned up to question why everyone was drinking their alcohol and why girls bodies were on show. One man squared up to Sambuca who wasn't afraid of gruff men like him, but Finn wanted to look all tough and "hard" infront of her so he squared up to him, but thank God for Tom Clarkson, who stopped Finn getting battered (fish joke, ha) and single handily told the naughty gang to go away. Bravo. Other than the thug incident, the party went well; Finn and Sambuca kissed and made up, Ronan got some Vicki (made his pants sticki) and Janeece, the trendy mother she is, had a good time.

After his previous saving the day attempts and man handling bad guys, I think he should have his own spin off series where he quits teaching and becomes a renegade police detective, with a shiny Audi and could have Josh as his wise cracklin' side kick. This has to happen for reals. Don't steal my idea, TV people.

Looks like Amy and Lauren have been watching a load of Madonna music videos.

Cesca has officially been knocked up by ridiculously white teethed Jonah Kirby, who almost stupidly everyone told who he got prego at the daytime rave. He plans to now quit school and get a full time job because he thinks that changing nappies and looking after your missus is better than getting an education. His job search was found out by his sister, Ruth, who's appearance came so out of the blue, you'll be forgiven if you didn't know she was. He's determined to drop school for his missus in order to provide for her, which you could call gentlemen like, but is she really worth it? With a oh-la-la body like that, it is.

Yay! The Hodge/Bex/Jess storyline has ended! Bex was back with that Hodge bloke in order to stop any footage of Jess being uploaded to his lovely site. Jess told Karen and Chris that she's met her and wants to bring her back so Jess meets Hodge and he tries her away, much to the disapproval of Karen, who really should of chased the pair by car rather than a frantic run. She was taken to their pad and instead of saying bye to Bex, she was going to star in a non-family friendly movie. Bex managed to get text Karen Hodge's address in which Karen and Chris raced over to and found Jess lying on a bed. "He's taken her. I couldn't stop him" she uttered. Well, if you shagged him, I think you would of stopped him for a couple of minutes. But actually, he and Bex didn't get that far and only got to a bridge where Bex vented at him and good thing she did that since some nice Policemen popped up and took him away. Pretty dramatic. Even had knock off Requiem for a Dream music in the background, now that's what you need for a cheap drama scene.

Also, well done to BBC iPlayer for cocking up the preview image for the episode:

Waterloo Road S6 EP16 - Sex(y) Bex

Finally! We find out about Bex’s past and it wasn't something that the family would approve of. She was revealed to be an amateur pornstar, opening her legs for money for her and so Hodge wouldn't show her family her new job. This stunning revelation was discovered by Wayne who's the definition of a sexist pig; he's mental and obsessed about women's jugs and genitalia who casually strolls around with one hand on his phone flicking through porn and his other hand on his you-what-what.

Harry's bulimia is returning, then.

After a random search on a site, he stumbled upon Bex stretching and doing suggestive poses on a bed and immediately showed his buddies and eventually everyone after making posters of her doing a seductive pose in some lacy undies. Finn being the good boy he is now, tried to stop this video being leaked and it did. To Tom and Karen. Oh very dear. However Karen was supportive of her daughter, determined that this Hodge will be taken down for child abuse, but Bex isn't able to go through it due to those painful memories, unsurprising really, I wouldn't want to be shagged by a man with the knowledge that many horny teenagers will be jerking off to it.

This sudden revelation couldn't of happened on any other day on Head Captain election day with Bex running against Jonah who too has a dirty secret. Who knows, her campaign slogan could "Vote for me, complimentary handjobs for all". Bex and Jess were being honest, just handing out fliers with "Vote Bex", but she might as well used her poses in lingerie as her campaign flyer as it was likely to boost votes and male erections. However, Ronan's grand idea to get Jonah the win was to photoshop his head onto a muscular body, presumably Taylor Lautner, famous for having more screentime topless than time having clothes on. People were impressed, but not everyone wants to see Jonah's photoshopped body, but his actual policy. 

What was wrong with a "Yes We Can" campaign, Jonah? 

Bex won the contest after a powerful speech from her mother and herself (Wayne should get a thank you card ) but she's unable to take up her new role as she's back having unwanted sex with Hodge in order to prevent the footage of Jess riding his disco stick being uploaded onto the internet. Awww, that's family love right there. 


By default, Jonah gets the Head Pupil role. I bet Cesca loves a boy with authority. The morally wrong couple continued their awkward scenes this week with both anxious, especially Cesca and as Wayne suggested to Finn about Sambuca, maybe "she needs a good seeing to". They manage to resolve their issues and agree to act like a proper couple, still being secret but that's not going to last long in dramaland. To prove how serious she is, she's given notorious womaniser Tom Clarkson the slip by semi telling him the truth that she's getting serious with someone. Poor Tom. His womanising charms only seem to work on staff members and he's not got a lot of choice other than Adanna and Karen. Definition of scraping the barrel. 

Funnily enough, this episode centred on sexism and porn aired a day after International Women Day.

Last week reformed bad boy Finn Sharkly took the reins of being Denzil's mentor, angering Sambuca, Rochdale's answer to Kristen Dunst. He wasn't really doing himself any favours when she appeared at the wrong time, getting the wrong end of the stick as he was seen to showing Denzil some porn. Sambuca is annoyed about Finn and constantly keeps whinging how bad Finn is, but Amy and Lauren saw something; she fancied him in a love/hate way. Weird, I know. Sambuca realised that she was in the wrong and they kissed and made up (literally) and good on them. Denzil however didn't seem too pleased, it being played for comedy, he could of put his arms up in the air and pulled a sigh face.

Waterlulz Road S6 EP15: The Penny Drops for Karen

Karen has been in charge of the dump since the start of Series 6 and proved to be popular with most fans, with some undecided and the followers of the Rachel Mason cult didn't really like her because she obviously wasn't Rachel and she didn't spend her time being a superhero for a single character who was likely to bugger off after that episode.

So it was all about Harry v Karen this episode with everyone banging on at Harry that he's currently failing his grades and if he keeps at this level, he'll fail school, have no job, get on drugs, have no house and generally fail at everything. He puts it down to his mother's ethnics and how arrogant she is including not letting him see his dad (is he still in t'Corrie land?), but she's having no bad talk about her so he keeps telling him to shut up. In order to stir some drama, the little scamp stole Karen's phone and used it to frighten and infuriate staff members by sending emails of "You're not very good at your job" (hence why they work at Waterloo Road) and "Come to my office for a verbal spanking".

Harry's Ninja skills at work here.

As long term fans would know, Grantly likes to pull the Teacher's union card whenever he gets upset on something and this was no different. He called for a union rep to get Karen at least suspended for these emails. This set up an event in the corridor to let everyone vent about Karen believing that it was fine to do so considering she had apparently sent these emails. Two wrongs don't make a right etc etc. Grantly and Ruby did have a lunchtime "date" together to which made Ruby nervous after Janeece suggesting that Grantly fancied her. To be fair to Janeece, anyone could of said that when there's blatant chemistry together with their book swaps and comedy scenes. Plus John isn't about so they can do whatever the bloody hell they want to, as long as they're being discreet about it.

Discreet did I say? Cesca and Jonah are going to need to look that word up in the dictionary after Harry's antics did cause a bit of tension between Cesca and Jonah (not that sort) when Cesca received an email about an certain "incident" and blimey, if Cesca and Jonah had come out then, Harry probably would of got a pat on the back for that one. Funny how them nearly getting found out made them even less secretive with their conversations being in the art room that's funnily enough always empty (No Kim, that's why), the bike shed and even bonking in the cleaning cupboard. Next weeks episode: Cesca and Jonah have a session in the school library with Jonah putting his hand on her throat to feel how the Spanish moan their pleasure.

It all got resolved after Harry owned to the emails and she wasn't too pleased about her son being her unofficial messenger. Harry had another "You're a controlling person, you don't listen" rant, Karen finally realised that she's not exactly been the best of mothers or Headteacher, so apologised to everyone and even had a mother/son bonding moment on the stairs and went out for pizza, the obvious choice when peace making.

Karen Fisher angry - What a surprise.

I think the problem with Karen is that she's elitist and ignorant. Being the big cheese means that she's all powerful over the students and staff making her opinion more important than whatever someone says and thinks making her understandably a hate figure. You know, someone talks to you and you know that they're talking to you but you're not really listening because you're wondering what's for dinner tonight. Also if we're getting picky at her, I don't like her voice. I mean come on, everytime she says "What is this?" she sounds like she's trembling and about to cry.

Segregation between girls and boys looks even more doomed after this week with the girls continuing to embarrass the boys in class results. A plan to get the boys looking brilliant and marvellous was running as a smart arse businessman visited the school to do a business enterprise which was essentially just a diet  Dragons Den. It all seemed to go all tits up when Kyle Haystack's great idea to recycle sewage water back into the kitchens for re-use was meet with the same reaction as watching The Human Centipede for the first time. It also got stormed by a load of girls who were whining over being left out but all they think of was a dating website as if there wasn't already a load of those ALREADY.

Tom uses the "Actions speak louder than words" approach when judging Kyle's idea.

In a twist to the Bex v Hodge storyline, Jess stupidly agreed to meet up with him despite the obvious freakouts everytime he was mentioned or when his Hodge radar was beeping. She found out that he was an alright bloke and a bit of a charmer, so of course it felt right to book a hotel room and have a Night in Paris session. However, next week we'll find out about Bex's mysterious absence and what this means for her and Jess. I'm not really fussed unless I manage to get a copy of the sexy business.

Waterlulz S6 EP14: Grrr bloody foreigners taking our jobs

Waterloo Road seemed to get racist this week when new caretaker Lukas Wisniewski happened to be Polish, the one country everyone thinks about when they think of the term “foreigners”. He was delighted to get the job whereas someone’s dad (Jeff from Peep Show) missed out. His son Matthew is a bright pupil at Waterloo Road and is chums with the local bad boy, Kyle HayStack and he wasn’t too pleased about it. He stumbled upon the man who won the job and the normally not racist Matthew went on a massive “bloody foreigners taking our jobs” rant and Kyle got involved as well. Lukas obviously wasn’t impressed by this prejudice by the boys and marched up to Chris Mead in order to get something done about it.

Lukas: I want to make a complaint!

Chris: Is there a problem?

DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Ruby meanwhile expressed her right wing views on immigrants and no one was really impressed about her views and in effect encouraged Matt and Kyle’s actions against Mr. Wisniewski causing everyone especially Adanna and Cesca to stare at her and whisper “racist”.  Not really surprisingly from her, she’s the Queen snob of Rochdale, probably reads the Daily Mail and wants everything to be perfect. She thought that Grantly would see the same way but she got the response of “I hate everybody but I hate them all equally” so there you go, he may have a lack of tolerance, but even Grantly of all people isn't a racist.

BEING RACIST IS FUN!

It became clear where Matt got his views from – his dad. He was only doing it because he wanted his approval and Kyle was bumming up to his dad that he was jealous and wanted his approval. They decided to kick some chairs, pour some liquid over things, clog the sinks and even rip Lukas’ photo of himself and his son. They thought this would drive him away and of course it would upset him, but it was always going to do more harm to themselves seeing how they’re causing utter destruction around the school and getting kicked out for being two racists.

Matt stole Mr. Wisniewski's phone and was obviously annoyed so he threatened him but got found by Chris and co and had to go to the Headteacher's office. He was threatened with suspension but after retrieving his phone from Matt and heard from his son, he decided "Screw this place, I'm buggering off back to Poland to be with my son again". So Matt and Kyle *kind* of won, he's leaving the country. I'm sad to see him go as he could of been a decent character in the series to add a bit of diversity, but there you go, another character to disappear without no mention ever again. Sigh.

“I’m not against Mr. Wisniewski because he’s Polish, he’s just not British” – Prime example of the term "own goal".

But it wasn't over yet. Dave marched into school and wanted to fight the man who stole his job but he was thankfully stopped and made a fool of when it was know that he was offered the job, but couldn't be arsed to turn up. See Matt? All that trouble for nothing. This whole episode was just a massive finger up to people with fascist views, mainly the BNP. This struck a chord in my head when Cesca said “You give these people a platform, you give these people a profile” which effectively summed up the controversy about BNP leader Nick Griffin’s appearance on Question Time last year. 

Meanwhile, Ronan had another scheme and it was to sell exam papers to the other pupils in order to earn some doss as usual. Janeece seemed to be smarter than what Ronan credits her for and told Grantly to do another test instead. Mwhahahaha. Fake tanned secretary thwarts Del Boy Ronan’s money making scheme but like every other villain, he vows to continue his schemes for profit.

Elsewhere, Jonarrrrrrr is still obsessing about Spain’s next Top Model and she’s not that keen on Jonah and uses Tom to try and cover up her feelings for Jonah. Cesca at the moment is all ”This is morally wrong and I shouldn’t do this but oh well, sex IS sex!” She visited Tom who has become afraid of the big world after his beating by Nate’s dad and threw a massive strop like a 5 year old because he didn't want to go out so instead they stayed in and had some pizza. She went home, Jonah was there waiting for her on her doorstep (bloody big door!) and the pair had a special kind of Spanish tutoring. Cesca loved it, he loved and it was Jonah’s first time making Cesca pull a priceless face.

God, Tom is going to go apeshit when he realises his love rival is Jonah, the result of Taylor Lautner and Bolton Smiley in a Blender.

If Cesca was in the room, my nipples wouldn't be erect, but my you-know-what would be.

With Bex suddenly being rich after receiving a wad of cash last week, she and jess decided to go out and buy dresses to go out clubbing. To ruin the moment, Hodge is on the scene who walks around like a camp Terminator and spots Bex and wants to chat leading to dramatic confrontation between the pair in a parking lot. She throws the money over the edge, tots off and we're still wondering what the dickens she was up to with that Hodge. Apparently she wasn't a Lady of the night so I'm guessing that the duo were burglars that specialised in nicking biscuits. Not Jaffa cakes, they're not real biscuits.

I don’t know what happens next week after watching that trailer, but all I know is that shit hits the fan and everyone is mad for some reason. Might be their times of the month.

Waterlulz Road S6 EP13: Being Gay Is Like Losing A Son

So the issue that was going to tackled was the social acceptance of homosexual relationships. So Josh and Nate are now in a relationship and Tom is casually fine with them both after a bit of persuasion from Cesca. Nate’s dad on the other hand was concerned why his son was a bit distant recently and when he walked past a wall with “Nate loves Josh” he knew why.

“Nate loves Josh? Ha, is this some kind of joke?”

“Hi Mr Gurney, I’m Josh”

“.....what”

It’s like this show is done for laughs most of the time.

So Nate’s dad wasn’t going to have any of it and ran about all guns blazing homophobic thoughts. Waterloo Road of course has to put a twist on things as usual and attaches the pain of losing a family member in the Middle East and Nate’s dad believes that his son being gay means he’s lost another son. Blimey, it’s like the writers hired Jan Moir to do the plots. Matthew Gurney had a confrontation with his son realised that he is gay. Now we could of ended it there we would of shut off that plot there, but no. He wasn’t easy on the idea of his son being in a relationship yet and decided that he should stay away from Josh causing sheep hair to feel all depressed. But no, Nate inspired by the power of love told his dad to bugger off and let him and Josh be together. 

Nate’s dad does get the message but still feels bitter about it and decides that kicking Tom’s head in would be a great way to vent. While all this was happening, good ol’ Tom was back in his womaniser role which only seems to be able to charm his work colleagues suddenly fancies Cesca probably because she revealed that she likes football and does know the offside rule.  Insert Sian Massey joke here.  He even invited her out for a drink and she agreed with Tom using the irritating and “you know what he’s up to” line “It’s a date!”.

 Don't worry Tom, women do like the odd wound.

While Tom was planning how to get his “swag” on, Jonah and Cesca looked to be on the rocks after Cesca suddenly thought “Wait, this is totally unprofessional” and wanted Jonah to bugger off and shark some girl his own age. Jonah even went in for a kiss but got a slap from Cesca but he was totally fine with her playing hard to get. After Tom got battered by Mr. Gurney, Cesca ditched him in favour of some Jonah company because she just wanted a cuddle with him. Cesca can’t even make her mind up about Jonah, she’s like a child who saves up for a console, realises it’s a load of manure and then suck up to it in order to block out the feelings of buyer’s remorse.  

So there you go, Josh and Nate get to be together, Tom got can’t even score Cesca because she’s too busy having awkward Spanish oral lessons with Jonah’s mouth and got beaten up in the same evening. Maybe he should just date someone out of work that has no relation to anyone in the school and there will be less trouble then.

The slap - A common move for Miss. Montoya

Janeece’s dream of becoming a teacher took a positive step as she decided to give classes in the skills of being a PA. Girls signed up but no boys did and Adanna wasn’t going to allow the course to go ahead unless at least one boy signed up because she didn’t want the course to be viewed sexist but the role of a PA is a well known job for females as 9/10 of female applicants will give the job because their employer wants a bit on the side. Many males were approached on the idea including Del Boy Ronan, who signed up after seeing the mother load of stationery in the stationery cupboard and wanted to start flogging pens instead of poor quality filmed movies.

Ruby once again filled the void of the comedy duo of Steph in the partnership this week with Grantly rewarding last week’s cleaning efforts of his house with tickets for them both to see An Inspector Calls. Ruby wanted to read up on the play before she read it but was caught with an edition of the play’s transcript and Grantly accused her of not being literature savvy with Ruby countering his accusation by whipping out her copy of Jilly Cooper’s Wicked, insisting he’ll love it. Ruby had to read Madame Bovary in return and both characters loved the books with their bond growing stronger and stronger. I feel like this pair will have an affair, I mean, where's John these days?

HAI BEX

Hodge popped up and was bothering Bex this week as usual and even he turned up at the school with an awkward moment involving him waving at Bex like they're best buddies. These days something like that doesn't look right. He convinced her to have a meeting in the park when he gave the audience an idea of her antics when she was missing. He also sent Bex an envelope stuffed full of cash as a present and Bex started crying. I assume Bex was a prossie and ol' Hodge was a pimp scoring her clients not being selling dodgy DVDs, then.

Waterlulz Road S6 EP12: Not Another Schizo Storyline

In another one shot episode that the series writers seem to love doing, we had a new one off character called “Billie Taylor” (no relation to me, God no) is a young mother who’s returning to school after popping out her sprog with obvious tension between the pair. It’s makes sense that Janeece takes an interest in the girl’s welfare because of obvious reasons and not because she just wants more screen time. Billie is convinced that her mother was trying to take her baby away from her with Janeece visiting Chris about this and he didn’t want to hear any of it. Although, this did set up a comedy moment for the show (serious one, of course) with Chris hearing Cheryl and thinking she were in the draw.

“No way, it’ll be too cruel to keep a baby in the draw.

...but I do have one in the stationery cupboard” 

Chris weren’t too impressed by this and ordered Janeece to take her baby to the crèche and she trotted off in her high heels with her boobs wobbling. Side note, is it just me or are her breasts getting bigger? 

Anyway, Janeece wants to help out and marches into Jenny from Tracy Beaker’s office with all guns blazing about the baby and Adanna isn’t fazed at all by her claims and neither is Chris. Despite this, Janeece is willing to help out Billie’s baby issues and takes her back home to talk about it.  So Billie and Janeece do indeed go to her house and Billie’s mother is concerned about Billie’s behaviour and how it’s been over the past few months and says the “a word” and it all kicks off with Billie attacking her. Crikey, that’s the most emotion we have seen from this robot!

 Bleep Bloop Beep Beep 

Billie’s mother storms off to the school and accuses her daughter of attacking her, but Janeece denies the claims.  While the mother is fuming, Billie nicks her baby and goes off for a wander leaving the staff to look for her and Janeece having to admit she lied about Billie not hitting her mum with diet Kim understandably mad. Billie is however found and in a controversial way as well. She’s seen recreating Michael Jackson’s infamous moment when he dangled his baby over the hotel balcony when greeting fans. With Chris, Adanna, Janeece, Billie’s mum and a whole crowd on the scene, Billie claims that voices are telling her to drop the baby and thinking that her baby is going to taken away from her. Well, of course your baby is going to taken away from you if you’re going to do that, you daft sod.  She hoops off the hospital and she’s been diagnosed with a mental illness. Another one beats the dust, then.

This is something I don’t like about one shot character focused episodes. This new student with no reference to in the past pops up seamlessly out of a universe full of one shot characters and then manages to stroll into school and have people go “Oh hai X, how are you?” and then characters are suddenly related to her, they know her and of their issues. Then when X character has a massive hissy fit, he/she gets taken away or buggers off and then characters sigh and move on. Perhaps this is because this sort of drama is so common, it’s a day of the week or is it because all the characters in this Waterloo Road universe have amnesia? They all probably all get their minds erased by men in black suits, telling them to stare at the object and let it flash and then they wonder what the bloody hell just happened. It’s all a blatant conspiracy. 

Hell yea, Men in Black movie reference!

There’s a hunch that Nate and Josh will getting some in future episodes (although it all kicks off with Nate’s dad next episode!!) after Lauren pointing out the signs that Nate might fancy Jos after how fast the pair got on well and became close very quickly. Finn sees this chemistry as well as Lauren so he’s all sadface over not having sheep haircut as a buddy anymore. Nate turned up at Josh’s house while Finn and Josh were playing some FIFA with Finn didn’t want to get in the way so left the pair at it. When their session ended, Nate asked Josh if he had any more games they could play upstairs. You dirty, dirty boy, Nate. But props on the chat up line, though, £5 in the post for you. 

 Janeece practising for the World Gurning Championship.

There’s concerns for Grantly’s welfare with Ruby and Tom concerned about him. Grantly isn’t really fussed about his lifestyle and doesn’t need help, but after getting Tom to nick Grantly’s house keys, Ruby saw how bad his lifestyle really is. His house looked like a teenager’s bedroom and Ruby decided to clean his house, leaving cooked dinners and gathering notes from Fleur and placing them around the house to remind him of the good times they had before she left for the nursing home. Ruby you lovely woman. 

Chris was in charge today after Karen was away for some reason and he thought it would be a good idea if Finn and Hay Stack kissed and made up without the “kissed” bit so they don’t lock eyes and scrap at each other everytime they’re in the same room. Of course, all his ideas go tits up and this one is no different. The pair still don’t like each other and their rivalry continued at football training during an exercise where two players jogged together and had to pass to the other with him shooting with Finn smacking the ball right at Kyle causing yet ANOTHER stand off between the pair. Only 2 episodes and the amount of fights there have been so far is just amazing.  Nice one Chris, what’s your next idea, giving fish fresh air?

One for the "Awkward Boner Moments" photo album.

After that hug last week between Jonah and Cesca, there’s obvious chemistry between the pair after some one on one lunchtime Spanish lessons. That’s not an euphemism for sexual healin’, but after Cesca invited him to a lunchtime session place Jonah’s hand on her throat so he could feel how Spanish people say certain words and an unprofessional exchange of phone numbers, there’s potential sexytimes ahead for the pair. But then again, next week’s preview looks like Jonah will get into a spot of bother after getting a slap from Cesca for attempting to kiss her, it’s not really Jonah’s fault. I mean, when Jonah texted “I love Spanish!” with the reply “Spanish loves you!, that is in no way leading someone on, right? Mind, if I had an obviously attractive Spanish teacher like that, I wouldn’t mind “tapping that”, you know what I’m sayin’?

The Frankie Boyle of Journalism is at it again.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1354725/Amanda-Holden-miscarriage-Celebrity-condolence-tweeting-offensive.html

On Saturday we heard the terrible news of Miss. Holden losing her baby after being 6 months pregnant. Everyone was sympatric to the woman, even myself when I’ve made cheap jokes about Amanda Holden in the past about her botox but I only offer sympathy to the woman.  Any woman who has a miscarriage is just terrible. 

In such terrible times, it’s only natural that someone of Jan Moir’s stature to burst into the room offering her take on the matter.  From previous articles notably her piece on Stephen Gately it was just to stir the pot. I don’t know why she does this. There’s times when you can’t say much, but she tries and turns it into a subject which she can talk about so she can get her paycheck from the Daily Mail.

Now to pick at her points like a scab.

Forgive me for saying so, but more likely than not the grim truth is that they are feeding off the rich nutrition of the grief industry, their mawkish Twitter inanities another conduit promoting them as lovely, compassionate and thoughtful ­people. The tweet is a cheap and tasteless way of ­burnishing their profile and increasing their value.

If you’re going down that route then birthday cards, get well soon cards and “Happy Engagement” cards are nothing more than just a folded A4 sheet of card with pretty font on it. It’s a gesture. It’s a way wishing someone well with the card. The tweets from thousands of Twitter users are apparently shallow and meaningless.

The condolence tweeters are drunk on attention; they are stars who have lost any sense of perspective or decorum a long time ago.

Come off it, Jan. Friends or not, you’re always going to send her messages of support because it’s human nature to do so. When I wish someone luck or to get well soon, I mean it.

For surely those celebrities who actually know and are friends with Miss Holden - and that does seem to be most of them listed here - should get in touch privately to express their sympathy in a more discreet and meaningful way? Such as a phone call, a bunch of flowers or - dare I even  suggest it - a private, handwritten note of condolence?

I’m sure she’s received personal messages in other forms than Twitter, Jan. You’re just an observer, do you have any inside knowledge? No. You’re just an offensive columnist.

Amanda Holden must have been greatly comforted by the fact that James Corden sandwiched his ¬sympathy tweet to her between ¬messages about a joke on Are You Being Framed? and details about a West Ham football match.

That’s just unfortunate timing, silly. From that, can’t you see that James only just heard about it? It was spontaneous, did he know that she had an miscarriage before it even happened? No.

Fair play Jan Moir. Showing your class by capitalising on someone's loss to turn it into a rant on something else. Not at all surprised since this article was for the Daily Fail but still amazes me that the article's comment section only shows positive reviews/comments on the article. Another reason not to buy the Daily Fail, then. The whole irony in this article is how she describes these tweets as “offensive, narcissistic and trite” when she’s done exactly that with her article. Play her off, Keyboard cat.